Religious People Are Funny

Wow god is such a tool

i hate god.

That made me rofl. Twas not thaqt bad of an explanation. Missed some important bits though. Hah. Funniest satire in awhile

This is like 3 years old but still funny

Pretty much sums it up. Except for Book of Revelations.

What about King David?

That was pretty accurate except for the second Jews part, it was really the Romans

People who believe in any kind of god should be shot. This is the 21st century not the bloody middle ages, America. Wake up.

For Stephen, the only people that say it was the Romans, are the Jews. If that's what you believe it is because you yourself are Jewish, or you had a strong influence from them

&Crockett
The only people who still think it was the Jews, are some Americans. If this Jesus dude really did exist anyway, there's zero (yes, unlike the old testament, the only "evidence" the new testament offers is the word of a man who was known at the time for his works of fiction. And in fact wrote TWO books about "Jesus", one of which was discarded by the Church.)

&hitler
Right on!

...What about the Romans? ...Does the New Testament honestly say it was the Jews? That would explain all the antisemitism when Jesus HIMSELF was a JEW.

&Uh...?

I don't know, I am not as familiar with the new testament as I am with the Bible.
What I do know that the first new testament written didn't blame the Jews, the second and third ones blamed the Jews, the third one not intending to do so but was read with misinterpretation. There are two more but I don't know about those.

What I do know very well is that the only people who execute by cross at the time were the Romans.
Jews executed by stoning, and anyway accounts agree that the only person who had the power to execute by crucifix is Philate.

Jews killed Jesus, what a bunch of crap.

&Uh...?

I don't know, I am not as familiar with the new testament as I am with the Bible.
What I do know that the first new testament written didn't blame the Jews, the second and third ones blamed the Jews, the third one not intending to do so but was read with misinterpretation. There are two more but I don't know about those.

What I do know very well is that the only people who execute by cross at the time were the Romans.
Jews executed by stoning, and anyway accounts agree that the only person who had the power to execute by crucifix is Philate, the Roman prefect.

So yeah, Romans killed Jesus (on the off-chance he existed, anyway)

ha. over all the funniest part of this is that some loser with no life just did a whole satire with just about everything being referanced to a video game. that make you pretty bad ass... (i'm hoping someone can detect my sarcasim.) what kind of pathetic loser doesn't have any thing better to do than make extremly lame jabs at other people's relegion. at least we have something to believe in rather than just sitting around playing computer games like a stupid ass as our brains slowly deteriorate.

Jackie, I believe that being born with zero sense of humor is your own disability, please refrain from showing it off.

"Religion is a crutch for the weak"

Something to believe in? What, like believing in your family, friends, being a good person and living life to the fullest while helping others around you isn't enough to believe in??

YOU BELIEVE IN A FAIRY TALE! Do you still believe in Santa?? Sorry you can't handle the truth because you knew nothing else growing up. Blame your parents, not people who like to make fun of your sillyness.

@jackiea
obvious troll is obvious

I do not know much about the bible. I was not brought up in a very religious family, but I have been wondering how those who do believe can call other cultures' beliefs on how the Earth and the human race were created "myths." I heard some in my mythology class state that some of the "myths" were too far-fetched, ("a turtle could not have turned into the Earth." "there couldn't have been a tree of life." etc.) What about Moses splitting the waters for people to walk through? What about Jesus rising from the dead three days after dying on the cross? I really just don,t understand how someone say that those are believable? I am not saying anyone's beliefs are wrong, I am merely wondering why the other cultures cannot be right too? It's just a question that has been on my mind for awhile, and until i see hard evidence that the bible is in fact correct, I will continue to question.

i agree with beekay.
i'm a religious person (but not a christian or jew) but the fact is many religious people in the world are so prejudiced its annoying/ like they seriously give religion a bad name. the fact is that chritianity, islam, judaism etc. all preach like the same stuff and teach people to be good people and be tolerant of others and live their life, but stupid retards decide to mess that up, hate on others, and give themselves a bad name.

ut really guys,don't judge all religious people the same. loads accept and respect other people beliefs and believe in scientific theories as well as religius ones, but don't be racist idiots and hate on them becasue they believe in God or Jesus, or heaven if that is what makes them happy

i agree with beekay.
i'm a religious person (but not a christian or jew) but the fact is many religious people in the world are so prejudiced its annoying/ like they seriously give religion a bad name. the fact is that chritianity, islam, judaism etc. all preach like the same stuff and teach people to be good people and be tolerant of others and live their life, but stupid retards decide to mess that up, hate on others, and give themselves a bad name.

but really guys,don't judge all religious people the same. loads accept and respect other people's beliefs and believe in scientific theories as well as religius ones, but don't be racist idiots and hate on them becasue they believe in God or Jesus, or heaven if that is what makes them happy. nobody knows what's right so don't go around acting like there is only one way of thinking and that everyone should think like that.

and by the way, that summary of the bible should be taught at my school

wrong wrong wrong!
FOUR more guys tell the same story.
idiot.

I just wanted to throw in that Jesus did in fact exist. However all that's really known about him (besides what is in the bible) is that he existed and traveled around telling people to be nice to each other. This is accepted as historical fact. The rest has to be taken on faith, or not taken at all.

Former Schoolgirl - Can you please post sources that state that Jesus existed? And they can not be from religious sites.

YEah thats right... What about the Book of Revelations???

The bible is kinda funny. The old testament was written by white rich men. It's just a work of fiction. I do believe that there is a chance that Jesus existed but nobody can tell you his whole life unless someone followed him around with a pen and paper (haha) I have many questions and they might sound stupid but i have wondered them for a while and they are the reason that i am not very religious

1) Was god magical like a witch or a warlock because no one can just make a whole universe in a couple of days. If so then why were the people in Salem Massachusetts so intent on killing people with "magical powers"

2) So if god created humans first, why is there so much scientific evidence that dinosaurs existed millions of years before humans evolved from primates.

3) Why do people interpret the new testament so much when talking about what a sin is when clearly, the only words directly spoken from god (supposedly) were the ten commandments which one of them says love thy neighbor which clearly this religion does not do. especially since christians have slaughtered whole empires because they believed in another religion.

there are many more questions but those are my most curious questions at 1 in the morning.

I'm sorry to inform all of you that as a christian I am angry about what you are doing with this site. However I am not saying people don't have a rite to their own opinion, I just don't understand how people make a website all about how christians are stupid. And to make it clear why christians slaughtered other nations just because of their belief, it was wrong. God in no way intended for them to kill all of those people. I also don't understand why someone who has obviously read the bible, would take the time to write this summary which is historically inaccurate. Also God didn't empregnate Mary, he simply said you are pregnant with Jesus, and she was. Sorry for the spelling mistakes, I hope I won't get too much hate comments for my view. After all i'm only 14.

Disgusted, you are angry that there is a website questioning religious people...

I'm personally not too happy that there is an entire religion saying that I am bound for eternal Hellfire because I don't dedicate my life to their god.

But I guess a website is way worse...

For QuestionsLife:
I am actually a scientist and a christian, so here are some answers to your questions. Hope they help!

1) Technically, in the original text the Genesis states that the universe was made in 7 ages. As there could not have been a "day" before the formation of the sun and earth on the 3rd day. Also, the progression of creation of animals follows the trend of evolution. Who is to say that God did not use evolution to create life. And the Salem people were just crazy, like many modern Christians, and took the Bible out of context.

2)As I stated before, God could have used evolution to achieve his main goal. Also, in the Bible, man was made last.

3)The ten commandments do not say love your neighbors; that is a common misconception. That comes from Jesus' basic summary of the ten into two: Love the Lord your God, and Love your neighbor as yourself.

Also, the first four books of the New Testaments are accounts of Jesus' life. Two are from his disciples and two are from the disciples followers who did "investigating" on their own. In fact, the New Testament was not formed until Constantine became ruler of the Roman Empire. Even then, I do not trust it completely because he was trying to integrate the Christians with the "pagans" and thus it effected the text. I could continue, but this is getting pretty long, so next time, before spouting off on religions, check your facts. You will be surprised what you find.

I don't know about bible much.I have been wondering how those who do believe can call other cultures' beliefs on how the Earth and the human race were created "myths."

Let me begin..

1. With the denial that there is anything more than life on this earth, you are setting yourself up for a complete ceasing to existence. Looked from that way, what have you to lose by going to Christianity?

2. The Jews handed over Jesus to the Romans for crucifixion.

3. As for the New Testament, the books were written at or near the time of the events that took place in them, and were bound together some hundreds of years later.

4. For Disgusted, God commanded the Israelites to slaughter every man, woman, and child in the land of Canaan where they were moved to. (Reference yourself to the Old Testament, starting in Joshua.)

ok first that was pretty funny 2nd religeon is retarted if you belive this bullshit stfu cuz i dont give a shit about what you have to say

I just wanted to throw in that Jesus did in fact exist. However all that's really known about him (besides what is in the bible) is that he existed and traveled around telling people to be nice to each other.

really... so most people here believe that nothing exploded and created everything. Great explanation. Btw, if you're gonna ask religious folk for sources, show us yours. Why, if our existence is by evolution, are all animals not fully evolved to their "final forms?" I'm not saying that evolution s complete, but it would not only evolve a few and leave the rest (If you get what I'm saying). I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that everything just randomly turned out perfectly to the exact requirements for life to exist. I totally agree with Dr. Christian. Really, what's the point of living good if there is no heaven or hell? Why not just rape and kill every woman and child, and steal and kill my way to a better life if there is no punishment for my actions?

To people in general... morality is something that is hardwired into our brains as a result of our upbringing, and to "rape and kill every woman and child" etc would not only feel just plain abhorrent to most. Also, as humans, our instincts are to survive, and if everyone killed anyone they saw then society would fail...

To working brain: from what I have seen, the atheists here are claiming nothing, are only rejecting the claims that others are putting out there, that disagree quite a bit with everything we know about the world... for example, there is an estimate on the age of the universe and the earth, independently using geology, astronomy, chemistry and physics which all match up. This doesnt come close to 6000 years or so, which is what the scriptures/bible propose.

Thats one of many examples, also the hundreds of contradictions in the bible, even taking into consideration typos, the age in which it was written, transcription and translation errors... It starts to become difficult to accept that as the word of an all knowing and all powerful being, half measures dont work in this case.

^^co-sign, could not have said it better myself.

i was raised catholic, and i thought this thing was absofuckinglutely HILARIOUS.

catholicism was more tradition for my family than anything else- outside of my family, catholicism and its rituals just became a personal daily habit like doing the dishes.

i think the whole concept of religion is on point- be good to one another, be considerate, and have faith in the greater good of the universe. i wouldnt call everything else bullshit, i do believe in 'god' or some other collection of energy from which the universe came to be. fack, even miracles could just be products of a person's ability to harvest energy and use it to do some really far-out stuff.

for all you bible thumpers out there, don't forget that the basics of most major world religions are all the fucking same, so gtfoff your high horse. safe to say the common message is the important one- BE A GOOD PERSON!!

go his ye ,my god.

lol want to read bible but can't be bothered. The "new testament" is very funny haha.

FUCK all of you atheist idiots.

Why is everybody still caring? If you haven't developed a definitive and well-reasoned opinion about god's existence by the time you're 20, that's unfortunate and a little pathetic. But if you have, then you aren't going to have your mind changed by an online forum, especially one with people like Hank Grill making posts.

Besides, it's kind of silly to take the idea of god seriously. He probably doesn't exist, but either way it's impossible to know for sure.

It's all just tiring after a while, you know?